Say hello, if necessary

Operators are standing-by, anxiously waiting to route your electronic mail message to Mr. Bessler’s AOL account.

Word on the BBS is that he’s completely abandoned both his AOL and Hotmail accounts for this underdog start-up—Hooooooogle, or something like that. Seriously, you should check them out because they are living check-to-check and desperately need your support. Find them by visiting a public library.

Your name. Or the name of your pet ferret. Whichever.

Your Email.
Email addresses, pffft. What a fad.

Your message.
Preferred format: Haiku verse.

Indicate which of the following computers you currently own or plan to buy in the next 6 months:

Apple //e            I own  I plan to buy for Oregon Trail.
MS-DOS               I own  I plan to buy. No, I'm not joking.
Laser 128            I own  I plan to buy. I ♥ clones.
Radio Shack TRS-80   I own  I plan to buy. I ♥ cassettes.
Macintosh            I own  I plan to buy at Team Electronics.

Which is larger, 3 or 5? 

Wow. That’s one helluva Submit button.

Sittin’ up there all quiet. A Flash button would be spinning or cooking you dinner. Nope, just a modest hover state. Actually, it’s kind of lazy. Damn button sits around all day and yaps about fantasy football. What are Sproles? Darren who? Is that your new boss?